so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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