Will you blow on my dice?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
