:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
