I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
