What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They have beer where we have blood.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
