If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
FUCK WHALES
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
