Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
