just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
