she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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