if you like me you must not know who I am
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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