i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
