I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
