ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
