all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Randomize
