when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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