Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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