i already hear my dad disowning me
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
