you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
