he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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