I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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