how hairy? two words: wookie tits
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Randomize
