It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
