There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
