im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
