First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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