Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You pole danced in your parka.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
