I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
