She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
