Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
