YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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