Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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