I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Oh god it's open bar.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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