I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
