i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
