Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
