he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is my gift to your gina
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
