so that wasnt chicken after all
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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