Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
