if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
