a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
