yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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