as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you will always have a special place in my vag
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
