I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
