you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
