fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
