and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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