What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
