I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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