Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The Olympian is in my bed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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