U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
