You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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