The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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