Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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