the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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