that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
